Verdict: ★ ★ ★ 1/2

Jupiter Ascending… or should I say Jupiter descending! I’m serious… this girl repeatedly fell hundreds of feet through the air in this movie, over and over. Every time she turned around, the floor dropped out from under her or an entire city block fell over and she was on the highest tower. For some reason, no one could keep Jupiter on the ground and things were always coming apart.

That’s okay, good stunts are hard to find. Especially when the stunts are done through really pretty scenery. The Wachowski sibs have a knack for ultra-realistic graphics in very unrealistic situations. The Matrix and V For Vendetta were very pretty movies and this is also very pretty. You can watch this flick again and again just to view the beautiful set pieces built on a computer and just to enjoy them for what they are.

The first things I heard from many critics who’d seen this are that the story is boring and the romantic twist is so dull it makes a brick look appealing. Okay, to address that… this movie’s backbone is basically a corrupt politician trying to ice his competition. Booooring! However, the meat on the bones is what makes the movie work. Enter Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) who is a half wolf/half human hybrid legionnaire soldier who has the uncanny ability to track down anyone. He is hired by one of the sons in the most powerful dynasty in the Universe to hunt down the genetic lottery winner Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) who is destined to take over as heir to the dynasty. Or something.

Problem is one of the other sons of the dynasty, Balem (Eddie Redmayne) is a corrupt douchebag who wants to take over everything. That’s the boring part and his entire character is boring. Sheezus, I couldn’t hang out with this guy for even five minutes without killing myself. He just sits around and says quiet, threatening, egotistical phrases to everyone and has entire planets decimated with the snap of his tiny fingers.

Zzzzz… <snort> Sorry, I just fell asleep talking about him. Where was I? Oh yes, Caine and Jupiter together basically are the meat of the flick, and wherever they go, action follows. The best alien spaceship dogfight over Chicago that I’ve ever seen on film (or is it the only one?) is pretty early on in this movie and I enjoyed it immensely. It was right up there with the last space battle in Return of the Jedi for me. I loved it and for that reason alone, I’d buy this flick on DVD.

However, this brings me to the critics’ second problem: the romance between Caine and Jupiter. It’s pretty humdrum. She basically falls for him in the first few seconds of their meeting because… Channing Tatum with pointed ears. Who wouldn’t fall for that? He also rescues her from death, but that’s beside the point… he rescues her from death pretty much the entire flick through. However, he doesn’t fall for her back because he’s a soldier and soldiers don’t fall for royalty. So every step she takes toward him he takes a step back and the romance remains shallow and not tense at all. Until later when he basically decides to hell with the old days of soldiering and allows himself a little fun. Then the romance gets a little deeper. But not much because… Channing Tatum.

Channing Tatum is about as deep an actor as The Rock. I love watching them kick ass, but if anything more is asked of their acting ability, disappointment will follow. But that’s okay since this is mostly an action flick with pretty scenery.

Hey! Movie lovers and Ultimate Movie Geeks! We bring you another Mega Mini Review, Now I know your saying “Doug these movies already came and went from the theater!” Yep your right but it doesn’t make them any less fun to talk about and maybe we can help you out in your DVD selection. So we invite you to put on the headphones and join us as we review American Sniper, Into the Woods, Taken 3 or as I like to call it Taken the Fugitive! Project Almanac, Jupiter Ascending and Channing Tatums elf ears and finally we finish it off The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water and Seventh Son. Remember if you’d like to send us your movie reviews send them to moviemadnesspodcast@gmail.com or call the voice mail # 260-573-0015 or post them to Twitter, Facebook or the Ultimate Movie Geeks community on Google+

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A really stunning trailer for a film that we all are hoping is exceptional. Check out Channing Tatum’s ears if you’re wondering why we have some concern. Still…Jupiter Ascending is one movie for which the Movie Madness Podcast is anxiously awaiting.